|
|
|
Home
> Women's Diary
> Family & Relationship
|
|
|
|
|
Family & Relationship
what is family
A family is a domestic group of people, or a number of domestic
groups linked through descent (demonstrated or stipulated) from a
common ancestor, marriage, or adoption. Families have some degree
of kinship.
In Western culture, a family is defined specifically as a group of
people affiliated by blood or by legal ties such as marriage or
adoption. Many anthropologists argue that the notion of
"blood" must be understood metaphorically; some argue
that there are many non-Western societies where family is
understood through other concepts rather than "blood."
|
Ways for Having a Great
Relationship
To keeping your family close initiations must start when you
children are very young. If you instill in them at an early age
the importance of family, chances are your message will stick when
they become adults.
An important way to ensure family closeness is by creating special
family traditions. Of course, as your children grow, marry and
have children of their own, it is not as easy to spend each
holiday together. Be flexible and either alternate holidays or
pick a few specific holidays where the entire family will be
together. Sometimes this sounds like an overwhelming feat,
especially if you have a large family. Many families that have
grown and multiplied considerably but are scattered through the
country make it a point to hold a family reunion each year. This
is a great opportunity for cousins to get to meet one another,
sisters to catch up on gossip and mothers to sit back and enjoy
their children and grandchildren. Another basic premise for
keeping your family close is raising them in such a way that they
like each other. By this you should treat your children equally as
they are growing; do not favor one over the other as this will
lead to jealousy and resentment and will probably continue into
adulthood. Foster closeness among your children, praising them
equally for their own accomplishments without comparing them to
each other. As your children reach adulthood, become more of a
friend than a parent. By this don't make them feel guilty when
they do not call or visit you on a daily basis. This will only
lead to a relationship based on obligation rather than
anticipation. When a family is built on love, respect and
devotion, they will always find a way to be close if not in body,
then in spirit.
When one struggles with one's life partner, that pain usually
boils down to one of two things- fearing of losing oneself in the
relationship or of losing relationship by being oneself. Relationships
can give us a feeling of power instead of taking it away. In a
Great Relationships partners discuss values, solve problems and
play together. They feel free to give and receive nurturing. By
mutually supporting each other, by giving and receiving help, they
each connect to and enhance their own power instead of draining it
away by trying to please each other.
In a truly Great Relationship partners empower each other and the
relationship becomes powerful, exciting, playful, nurturing and
creative. Having felt of excitement, safe and love. What I have
seen is that all truly Great Relationships always have these
ingredients. The relationships are always in a state of flux,
always growing. Both partners are fully themselves: they live
their own values. Each partner cares deeply about the growth,
development and well-being of the other, and is equally committed
to his or her own development. Both partners take full
responsibility for communicating their own needs to each other. Both
partners willingly negotiate so that resources can be used in
mutually supportive ways. The evolutionary edge for humanity is
sharing power. As a species we are gradually moving from using our
power in self-centered adversarial ways to sharing our collective
power for the mutual benefit of everyone concerned. It's going to
take more than good intentions for us to pull this one off. We are
all going to have to learn to think differently, make new
distinctions and include new practices in our business-as-usual
routines.
The 5 C-
Commitment,
Communication,
Cooperation,
Collaboration
and Coordination-the
main mantras of building a good family up.
COMMITMENT - Setting intention. What are we all committed
to? Can we all state it succinctly? Does the commitment generate
enthusiasm? Does it live in our everyday conversations with one
another in some way? Are there any obstacles to honoring the
commitment to our fullest ability? How are we dealing with those
obstacles? Are we all committed to doing what is in our power to
do, to have the co-creative endeavor succeed for everyone
concerned?
COMMUNICATION - Creating the environment. As human beings
our relationships live in language. What we talk about and how we
talk about it determines the emotional climate of our
relationships. Is our communication style fostering safety and
creativity? Are we communicating readily, honestly, and openly?
Are there things we are afraid to discuss that need to be
discussed? Are there unspoken emotional undercurrents distracting
our attention? Are there any recurrent communication breakdowns
and is there a strategy in place so they can be avoided in the
future? Does our communication include acknowledgment and
gratitude? Are people making requests in order to take care of
their own needs and wants? Are we giving effective feedback so we
can improve as we go? Are we communicating our unified purpose to
others in inspiring and enthusiastic ways?
COOPERATION - The necessary attitude. Are we cooperating?
Is our cooperation motivated by an inner passion or is it being
forced by fear and the need to go with the flow of others
intentions? Are we able to find a common path through adversity or
is it every man for him self when the going gets tough? Are there
any competing egos vying for the spotlight at the expense of
others? Are we clear on the benefits of cooperation in this
creative endeavor? What is at risk if we don't cooperate?
COLLABORATION - Synergizing ideas. Is there an attitude
that everyone's ideas are vital to the whole? Are we able to
express our ideas freely without fear of judgment or ridicule? As
a group are we asking BIG questions that bring forth the talent of
everyone involved and excite our creative impulses? Are we able to
engage in possibility thinking, not limited by the past or what
has been? Are we skillful in bringing out the best in each other?
Is the system in which we are working set up to receive the
avalanche of creativity we can generate?
COORDINATION - Synchronizing action. What's the plan? How
are we coordinating our actions in effective and harmonious ways?
Do we all have an overview of how all the different parts are
working together? Are we clear on individual areas of
responsibility and accountability? What are the consequences, if
any, for failure to perform? How does time play into to it? Do we
have established lines of communication? How often do we need to
reevaluate the plan? How often and in what form (phone, meetings,
e-mail) do we need to communicate in order to coordinate
effectively?
Parents' Role
Parents are the foundation from which families derive their
strength and stability. In turn, families are the building blocks
of our community. Mothers have many roles. They are simultaneously
parents, wives, educators, role models, confidantes, friends,
guidance counselors, coaches, drivers, story-tellers, companions
and soul-mates. The influence of mothers on all members of the
family is enduring. The father's role in families is an important
one, and contributes both to the growth and development of the
father and his children. Fathers have the opportunity to rethink
their own father-child relationship, put that into a mature
perspective, and parent their own children in a way that
contributes positively to the children's growth and development. A
father's influence continues across the generations.
Loving Relationship
To creating a Loving Relationship Clarify Values, Needs and Life
Style is required. The matures we are when we enter a
relationship, the more likely we are to succeed in finding the
harmony we desire. In general, we attract persons who correspond
to our present stage of interests, motives, values, goals, etc.
This occurs through the attraction of similar or opposites. As we
ourselves mature and become more aligned to our true selves, we
will attract people who are aligned to our true selves. If we
connect with someone at an early stage of our life and then begin
to experience changes in values and ideals, it is very possible
that our partner may not be able to make the same changes. We
would do best to begin a process of self-knowledge and determine
what we really want out of life. We need to clarify our values,
needs and preferred life style. Having done so, we will then
attract a partner with whom we can share whatever is important to us. From
the spiritual level, we are already in union with every being on
this earth. When we choose one particular love partner, it is
because we hope to supplement and support each other in our
physical, mental, emotional, material and spiritual needs.
Although the other cannot give us what we do not have, he or she
can work together with us toward finding mutual self-fulfillment.
If we do not believe we are lovable or loved, it is unlikely we
will attract a mate who will abundantly express love to us. We
attract those who will reflect to us the very same feelings we
harbor for ourselves. Even if the other does not reject us, we
will frequently project or imagine that he or she is doing so. We
exhaust our partners with our need for continuous reaffirmation of
their love. When we doubt our self-worth, we easily fear losing
the other’s respect, admiration and love. We fear losing the
other to someone else. We then become negative, possessive,
jealous and often so overbearing that we suffocate the other until
he or she does actually leave. And, even if he or she does not
leave, he or she will be unhappy and develop various protective
mechanisms, such as aloofness or aggressiveness. When we doubt our
self-worth, we are in a very difficult position in any
relationship. Our need to be accepted and affirmed by our partner
often causes us to deny our own feelings, needs, beliefs and
values. We try to become who we believe the other wants us to be.
We cannot bear for the other to be dissatisfied or angry with us.
We are afraid we are at fault or that the other will leave us. The
same is true concerning our feelings of inner security. If we have
been programmed to believe that we are not safe alone in the world
without our partner, we become a burden on him or her. (This is
regardless of the fact that the other may get energy from our
dependence.) This does not help either of us. We are denying our
real selves, our real power, and our spiritual nature. It is
essential that we build our feelings of self-worth and inner
security so we can love the other without becoming dependent upon
him or her. In this way, we will be more alive and truer to
ourselves in the relationship. Only in this way can we be with the
other because we love him or her and not because we fear being alone. Internal
preparation is necessary before we will be mature enough to
succeed in really using the opportunities a loving union with
another fellow being offers. |
|
|
|